Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's prominent comedians devoted the airtime mocking President Donald Trump's newly announced visa program, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the affluent.

Colbert's Pointed Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new program that permits overseas individuals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for 5 million. A government website promises approval "in record time."

"A quick note here to rich applicants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, involving hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll ratings during financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.